There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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