omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
