I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
