I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
