fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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