listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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