this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
