I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is Oprah even human
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
