Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
