I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
