Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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