I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
