I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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