What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
