I just threw up on my dentist
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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