I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
