the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
