We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
