if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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