who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
