True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
