I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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