I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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