so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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