So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
