I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
