if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
