totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My vagina is very pro this idea
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