I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
