We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
