she was so not down for the gang bang
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
