he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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