If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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