I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
