Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
