the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
