Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
