Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
