I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
