Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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