He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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