Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
