conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
