That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
