Swine flu. Run for my life!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
