people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
