And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
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