5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
