In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
