Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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